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Friday, April 22, 2016

DEAR CHELSEA

I will always remember this smile!
Dear Chelsea,

This letter is so hard to write. I know we did the right thing by putting you down. You were so miserable. It was just SO sudden. Sunday you were fine. Monday you were not. By Wednesday you were trembling in pain all day. I knew it was your last day. I still couldn't give you the attention you needed. I tried and I patiently waited for Caroline's nap. I carried you from room to room so you could at least be with us. Then I got one last thing done, and I held you. I held you and talked to you. We reminisced. I apologized for the lack of attention since Caroline was born. I know you understand, but I wanted more. I wanted more time with you. We were almost to that point where I could give you more of my time again. I told you it was ok to go. It was ok. We'd be ok.

I knew you were getting older. I kept telling Daddy that I didn't want this to be the year. I wanted to give you more time, more walks, etc. And I knew things would get better, so I desperately wanted more time. I wish I could have one more day. One more good day. We'd go for a walk; we'd play; we'd cuddle. I'd make you a steak. We'd go to the park with Daddy, Moose and Caroline. You'd chase squirrels, run in circles, and take a dip in the water. You'd lay in the sun. I just want one more day. I want to see you smile one more time.

I am so sorry that your last few days were so hard. I never wanted to see you in so much pain. I wanted to fix it so badly. I know you are pain free now, and that gives me some peace.

Things just aren't the same without you around. I keep thinking I see you laying on your dog bed. I miss you so much. My heart aches so bad.

Daddy is so sad too. He loved you with all his heart. He loved you before he loved me. You were just so special.

Maybe you could have fought this. I have no idea. Maybe it wasn't time yet. I just couldn't let you do it and be in so much pain. I knew it was time to let go.

Thank you so much for all the good memories. You'll always be with me. You taught Moose so much- so I know he'll be ok. He's confused, though. We are all just so sad. I know you would want us to be happy. You always hated it when I was sad and did your best to cheer me up. So, I put on some bright happy clothes today, I have the radio on and we are singing. We are putting smiles on our faces for you. We love you. I hope I get to see you again one day.

Thank you for letting me hold you on your last day, and in your last moments. I hope I brought you some comfort through all the pain. I'll always love you.

Mama
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5 comments:

  1. Perfectly written. It's just so hard . Its,been almost 6 mons since we lost our boy and not a,day goes by that I my heart is still not breaking ...

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  2. So beautifully expressed! It IS so hard! But you did the right thing for her! You will never forget but the sharpness of the pain will ease bit by bit and the love stays forever!🐾

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  3. I know that pain. We lost three beloved ones in three years. Two we had to put down due to illnesses. The other one was seventeen. Two were rescues. They will always have special places in our hearts and we are thankful for the blessings they were in our lives. She knew you both loved her. -- hugs from the Wedemeyers

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