Dear Caroline,
Thank you for being so strong. Thank you for being so compassionate. Thank you for taking care of me. This pregnancy has not been the easiest on me, but you always notice and show me your love.
Two nights ago we got home from a fun family dinner out. I was nauseous the entire drive home, and when we got home, the walk into the house made things so much worse. It was a little past your bedtime. Daddy took Moose outside and went to get him dinner. I was going to get you ready for bed. I took a moment downstairs and had some water, then climbed the stairs with you and made it into the bathroom to brush your teeth. It was all downhill from there.
I threw up. 3 times. The choking on chunks, tears streaming down your face, gasping for air type of throw up. 3 times. I’d think I was done and compose myself, and it would come again, and again. You stood in the bathroom with me saying “What’s happening?”, “Mama, are you ok?”, “Are you throwing up, Mama?”, “It’s ok, Mama”. I couldn’t answer you. All I could do was put my hand on you to reassure you I was ok. In between gasps I’d try to tell you Mama was ok.
When I was done, you held me. You came over to me and told me you’d make me feel better. You hugged me and kissed me and said “Do you feel better, Mama?”, “Does this help, Mama?”. I clung to you and took in every ounce of your compassion. You were brave and selfless that night, and you really did help me to feel better.
Yesterday the same nausea came on after dinner. You were begging to play train even at the dinner table. Train is where we run around in circles and Mama yells “Chugga chugga choo choo!”. But tonight I couldn’t. Tonight the fatigue had hit me hard, and my limbs felt like lead. Tonight I was worried the nausea wouldn’t subside, and that running around would cause me to throw up again. I offered to sit and watch while you ran around. I’d still say “Chugga chugga choo choo” as you ran around. You tried it, but it just wasn’t as fun without me running around, too. You were disappointed, but you understood. I felt so bad that I couldn’t give you what you wanted in that moment.
Instead of playing train, you agreed to sit with me on the couch and color. We colored until my nausea got so bad I needed to lay down. At that point, we cleaned up together, and you led me upstairs. You got in bed with me and gave me your two favorite blankets. You tucked me in and said “Oh Mama, it’s ok. You’ll feel better now”. You gave me hugs, kisses, and snuggles.
Again, you selflessly took care of me, and I am forever grateful. I love you so much, and it is so amazing to see what you are capable of. Thank you for everything you do. You take care of me more than you’ll ever know.
Love,
Mama
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