The amazing bloggers of the BFBN are all writing on the topic of LOVE today! See the links below!
As Valentine’s day approaches, the Babywise Friendly Blog Network that I am a part of, decided to have our mutual writing topic for today focus on “LOVE”. As I reflected on what I wanted to write about, I decided this needed to be a letter to you about Valentine’s day and what it is and what it is not.
You are my daughter, and therefore I have a responsibility to prepare you for the emotions that you may experience as a result of this day. As you get older I hope you can stay strong in your emotions, but I want you to know that you may not always, and that’s also ok. As a girl, your experiences and expectations of this holiday will innately be different from the men in your life. It’s a result of our society, and while unfortunate, it will happen. Again, it’s ok.
What is Valentine’s day?
At the end of the day, Valentine’s day is just another day.
Our society has marketed this day as a day of expressing our love. Stores make out on all of the gifts and cards that are purchased. Flower shops probably prepare for this day all year. Marketing this day makes stores a LOT of money.
Valentine’s day is a day to express our love for the people we love dearly- just as we should do on every other day.
Valentine’s day is fun to celebrate and spend with the people you love- whether that’s a boyfriend, girlfriend, sister/brother, parents, child, etc.
What is Valentine’s day NOT?
Valentine’s day is NOT just for couples.
Valentine’s day is not a day to be sad if you are not involved with anyone.
Valentine’s day is not a day to let society dictate your expectations in your current relationship. Remember that your relationship yesterday is the same as it is on Valentine’s day. If you wouldn’t have expected a gift yesterday, don’t EXPECT one today.
Valentine’s day is not a test of your relationship. It is not a day to test or challenge your partner.
It is not a day to fall silent, either. If you have expectations of this day that are different from other days, it is a day to express that in a respectful way.
Caroline, for most of my life I was the single one. My friends usually had boyfriends to go out with. I, on the other hand, was rarely dating anyone for more than a couple of weeks. I was decisive in my relationships and had high expectations of the men in my life. That resulted in me being single- a lot. I had many Valentine’s days at home alone with my dog. Many of those days I felt sad and alone. I wondered why I couldn’t be so lucky as to find someone so meaningful to me.
Some years it didn’t bother me. Some years I was proud to be single and I made plans to go out with friends if possible. Some years I happily preferred to stay home and didn’t feel the need to keep busy. Some years I preferred to stay home and just let myself be sad. All of those were ok things to do. All of those emotions were ok.
On occasion I was in a new relationship. Boy is that awkward. You aren’t really at the gift giving stage of the relationship yet, but then Valentine’s day rolls around. Our society teaches us to expect a gift, or a gesture of some sort. I found myself disappointed if that didn’t happen- even if I knew the relationship wasn’t to that point. And that was so unfair of me.
Here’s the reality. I am so glad that I wasn’t in a relationship just to have a relationship. I am SO very glad that I had high expectations of my relationships, and ended up being the single one more often than not. Those high expectations led me to your father. And so, while it made for some lonely Valentine’s days, it has created a wonderful life for me and I have an amazing husband as a result.
The reality is that the men that truly care for you- they’ll make EVERY day special .
Your father always made every day so special, that on the 13 days in February leading up to Valentine’s day, when he left me sweet notes to find every morning, I had no idea that it was leading up to a marriage proposal. Every morning he left notes stating reasons why he loved me. He did this for 13 days. And on that 14th day (Valentine’s day), when he got down on one knee and asked me to spend the rest of my life with him, I was shocked.
I had no clue that he was about to propose to me. Not because it wasn’t an amazing grand gesture, but because it was not out of the ordinary for him to be so sweet and express his love for me. The men that are worth your time and energy do everything in their power to show their love for you every day. Not just on Valentine’s day.
You may or may not see your father and I celebrating Valentine’s day. We go back and forth and it’s never a BIG celebration in our house. Every day is a day to express our love, and I hope you see us do that all the time. That is our goal. We may exchange cards, but we most likely won’t be the parents buying gifts, as we just don’t see the need.
We may have a date night to spend some quality time together. We may make it a family night as well. Our goal is for our whole family to feel love every day all the time. Our goal is that you see how strong our relationship is and how much we love each other, without the big gifts that seem to be expected by society.
Our goal is to make holidays special, but also keep them in perspective. Our goal is to raise strong daughters that can handle the emotions that are probably inevitable on this day at some points in your life.
We love you and each other more than anything. Whatever life brings your way, I know that you’ll manage the waters just fine. Stay strong, my dear. No matter what happens, show your love every day, and expect that in return.
I love you,
The amazing bloggers of the BFBN are all writing on the topic of LOVE today! Here are the links to their wonderful posts. Enjoy!
How to Teach Your Child to Love Others
How To Have A Happy Marriage When You Have Small Children
Showing Love to the Expectant Mother during Adoption
Teaching Your Children Valentine’s Day Is More Than Just Romance
Another Quick Trick For A Happier and Healthy Marriage
5 Ways to Show Your Foster Child Love