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Dear Caroline,

Yesterday was the first day in your life that I have not breastfed you. You are 1 week away from being 1 year old. 1 week away from being a toddler instead of an infant! Time is flying by and it is bittersweet. With each new milestone I am so excited to see what life brings to us in your new phase, but I am also saddened to let go of some things. This is one of those moments.

I knew it was coming. I knew that I was planning on breastfeeding you for 1 year. We timed it perfectly and you were weaned down to just 2 nursing sessions per day. You always nursed well, but I also knew that you wouldn’t ask to be nursed if I didn’t offer it one day. It was just one of those things that you enjoyed, but I knew you’d move past quickly as well.

My plan was to take the morning feeding away and let you adjust for a week or so. Then I would lessen the amount you were taking at the evening feeding, and after about a week of that, remove the final feeding. Unfortunately, these steps had to be accelerated. I needed to be on medication this week that I can’t take while nursing. So, it was time. On Tuesday I removed the AM feeding. You didn’t even notice as you gulped down your warmed whole milk. On Wednesday, I tried removing the evening feeding as well. I made the mistake of offering you cow’s milk in the glider that I nurse you in. You were upset and didn’t understand. I nursed you. Yesterday I didn’t sit in the glider, and I had Daddy give you the warmed milk. While you didn’t take to the milk, you also didn’t ask to be nursed. You were ok. You are such a big girl.

We are now two days in, and you are handling this like a champ! You don’t always drink your milk (you are still getting used to it), and I am still trying to figure out the best temperature for it and best time to give it to you, but you also aren’t asking to be nursed. You are amazing.

I don’t feel like I got a chance to mentally prepare for this, since we had to accelerate the timing. I think I had a sweet goodbye planned in my head or something. I’m not sure why, but I am so emotional about this change. I miss getting extra snuggles during feeding time. I miss your hand on my face, and even your tiny little fingers up my nose. We were both ready to be done nursing, but I wasn’t ready to let go of you. I wasn’t ready to let go of my extra time with you, or those sweet moments that only you and I share. I just wasn’t quite ready.

I’ve shed the tears for both of us. I am not surprised at how well you are handling the change, though. You are so tough, and so strong, and have always been independent. I know we’ll have new moments, and more cuddles and kisses for a lifetime. I will always remember how it felt to hold you and nurse you, though. I will always remember how, no matter what was wrong, it always comforted you, which comforted me. I’ll remember it always and forever. I love you so much.


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Hi there! I’m Katrina (aka Mama). I am a former engineer and chemistry teacher, turned stay at home mom and mom blogger. I have been blogging since 2015, and have taken my love of engineering and science, and tried to applied many of the same methods to my parenting adventure. I am not only a hard working mom and blogger, I am the author of Baby Sleep Solutions, and have more books on the way!

I have a huge passion for Babywise and similar methods that prioritize sleep for our children. I am mom to 3 (including one angel baby that had trisomy 13). A huge mission of mine is to share her story and legacy. I am a big believer in being real and doing what works for YOUClick here to subscribe to my weekly newsletter to follow our story.  This blog is intended to be our story and our ideas- including successes and failures along the way.

You can also find me published at Today Parenting, Her View From Home, VitamedMD, Love What Matters, and The Mirror. Follow me on Facebook and Pinterest for more parenting tips and to hear more about our journey!

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