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You’ve started taking selfies because it’s the only way you are in the pictures!
You praise someone for a good burp or fart.
You find yourself making sucking motions and saying “Suck it!” to teach your daughter how to eat out of a food pouch without realizing how dirty you must sound (and look).
You go out in public with bed head because you completely forgot to look in the mirror before leaving.
The dermatologist is trying to be polite and keep you covered during your full body exam, and to save time you find yourself saying: “It’s ok, really… there’s nothing to hide now”.
Getting spit up on doesn’t require changing your shirt.
You walk into the grocery store and look down to see your bra hanging out because you just popped your boob out to feed your baby in the car.
Most of your conversations with your husband include the word poop.
You never get to finish a conversation with another adult when the kids are around.
You can’t leave your baby’s line of sight without pretending it’s a game of peek-a-boo! Otherwise, a meltdown ensues!
You babywear in public places and have to use the restroom. You hope you don’t bump baby’s butt on the back of the toilet, while he’s napping!
Your husband changes a diaper and you hear “WOW! That’s the biggest poo-poo you’ve done. That’s #1 baby”.
You have no issue smelling butts.
|My view from the toilet seat…
You find bits of stuff in your hair and on your clothes and have no idea where it came from or what it is.
You have not a care about what you look like but your kid looks absolutely adorable.
When you’re full of love and irritated at the same time.
You haven’t gone to the bathroom by yourself in months.
You aren’t sure if that’s chocolate or poop smeared on your wrist.
You rock and sway when you’re standing in line alone at the grocery store.
You’ve got your baby’s schedule down to a science, but you can’t remember the last time you brushed your own teeth or if you put deodorant on that morning.
You talk to yourself while you’re out in public because you’re so used to narrating everything for baby that you don’t know how to just be quiet anymore.
You slip up and tell your husband “No-no!” on more than one occasion.
You can’t remember the last time you shaved your legs, and then your toddler pets them and says “Oh no!”
Taking a shower for longer than 5 minutes is equivalent to a day at the spa- pre-baby.
Your living room looks like Toys-R-Us vomited.
Your toddler asks you for a Minnie Mouse breast pump for Christmas.
You spend months planning a date night with your husband, and all you talk about while on your date is your kids (and how you might even miss them).
When multitasking takes on an entirely new meaning: breastfeeding, while pooping on the potty and trying to keep your toddlers from knocking down the door.
When you can’t stop yourself from saying “pooping on the potty” when describing your own bathroom activities.
Stretch marks become badges of honor.
You fall asleep with the theme song from Mickey Mouse Clubhouse playing in your head.
You find yourself watching The Disney channel 15 minutes after you put the kids down for a nap.
You sing and dance everywhere you go.
You have more love in your heart than you know what to do with.
You make up pooping in the potty songs.
You also make up pooping in the potty dances.
You sing ANY words you can think of to your child’s favorite tune.
Every time you go to the bathroom in public, a little voice accompanying you in the stall says “You going pee or poop, Mom?”, with his loudest voice.
Still laughing so hard at these! Thanks to the lovely mamas that helped me put this together! I’d love to read some more…keep ’em coming in the comments section!
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